Struck Twice @rkatz94@icosahedron.website

John Lennon: 🎶All the lonely people, where do they all come from? 🎶

Lonely People: Uh we have names you know. You could just ask us instead of passive-aggressively singing about it.

One time I was applying to work at a coffee shop and on the application under the "desired position" I couldn't remember the word "batista."

Instead I put "coffee person."

I never got a call.

One day at work I noticed my coworker had blood on his shoe, and naturally I asked him why it was there. He told me he was at a metal show and was elbowed in the nose.

I believed him so when I told my coworkers the story they responded "He told you that? Someone tossed him a basketball, and he was too uncoordinated to catch it and it hit him in the face. I'd probably lie too."

Get you a significant other who likes Diddy Kong Racing more than Mario Kart 64

#confession The song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls is good, however:

Whenever someone asks me what I'm thinking about when I start staring off into the distance, I usually answer with "Not much."

But what I'm really trying to do is piece together song lyrics from 70s and 80s songs I never really knew all the words to.

What a lovely day to fall into your arms

Breaking down a room you've lived in for years feels so weird all around.

The time you spent hanging stuff on the walls and filling with furniture and books and knick knacks all turns to nothing as it all gets put into boxes, ready to be moved away.

The room always feels smaller when it's empty.

The best #datenight I've ever had was when I went to get sushi with my girlfriend before she gave me a second thought. However when we got there our conversations kept flowing and we were laughing and learning about each other.

So when the waitress came to drop the check, and she said "stay as long as you'd like," I don't think she was prepared for us to stay for literally two and a half hours after we paid the bill.

Jay-Z is pulling his albums from Spotify and Apple to promote TIDAL, yet the only result is a TIDAL wave of bad publicity.

This was a good toot, right?

I'm still surprised McDonalds never did a Superbad crossover with McLovin

I could never be a racecar driver because the Burnout series has taught me that if there's a car in your way, hit it.

#confession I don't like Game of Thrones

Nintendo has the best customer service ever. I'm going to start calling them even when I don't have problems just to talk video games.

Another time, I was listening to records with the girl who is now my girlfriend.

She was laying on my chest and, my heart was pounding. She asked why it was beating so fast, and I couldn't tell her the truth; that all I wanted to do was be her boyfriend and I'd loved her since the first day we met and I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her forhead, etc. I was worried I'd sound crazy.

So I told her I had high blood pressure, and she just looked concerned.

One time I belched so loud I woke up not only myself but my girlfriend sleeping next to me, who shot up and screamed "Are you ok?!" and hugged me.

Who is the funniest person on Mastadon right now? If you don't have an answer there is no way to prove it isn't me.

It'll take me some getting used to being able to type stories here rather than little snippets of text.

Now more than ever, no. Pepsi is not ok.

In 2011 one of my teachers replied to a student complaining about his grade using the phrase "Tough blung," and to this day I'm still not over it.